As you might have read in my “Why Wear a One Piece” article, I gained weight in college. No, it was nothing crazy, however, I didn’t feel like I was taking care of my body the way I should. Since writing that article, I gained a few more pound over summer, and I’m not okay with it. 132, the heaviest I’ve been, and the biggest I’ve felt. At just under 5’2”, I am right at the line between healthy and overweight. How did I let this happen to me? I’ve always been active and healthy, but as I’ve gotten older, my metabolism slowed, and I exercised less...a bad combination.
It’s constantly preached to us--love yourself. The current trend is all about loving your curves and feeling comfortable in your own skin, but I decided it was time for a change. It’s great to love your body, but there is no shame in working to improve it. See the thing is, there’s a difference between complacently accepting your body and truly loving yourself. For a while, I accepted that I wasn't built as athletically as my friends. I knew that I definitely wasn't built with a model's body, but I allowed that to become an excuse for not taking care of my body. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m unhappy with how I look. In fact, I’m proud to say that I’m working to change it.
What’s hard is that society tells us two stories. It celebrates the women who love their bodies as they are, but it also celebrates the health nuts who have six packs and only eat protein. I want to find that happy middle where I can still enjoy life but can also work toward my health and fitness goals. It’s not bad to dislike how you look. I think it can become unhealthy when our looks and exterior become a consuming factor. I think it’s unhealthy to obsessively count calories or skip meals because we feel a little bloated. But I don’t it’s unhealthy to be discontent with the current situation and work to change it (assuming that we’re taking productive and healthy action in changing it). For me, I workout to feel energized and confident in my own skin. I eat well and stay hydrated because it’s what feels good. I do these things because I do love myself, and I want to take care of the body I’m in.
This article is about accountability. It's not me fat shaming or critiquing anyone's body. It’s me writing down my goals and sharing them with the world. It’s me putting my foot down to complacency and taking a baby step in the right direction. This article is scary for me to write because no one likes talking about their weight, especially if they aren’t content in their bodies. Yes, I know that weight is not the best indicator of health, and neither is a BMI chart, but I feel and see changes in my body that I don’t like. I’ve realized that sadly, I can’t workout all the time and lose weight anymore. Now, I have to eat well and exercise just to maintain. That’s why my goal for this month is to cut out refined carbs and sugar. I’m starting slow, but I know change needs to be made. I hope that this inspires others to take steps in their fitness and health journeys. No, I don’t know where this is going to take me. No, I don’t know where I’ll be in a year, however, I am excited, nonetheless.
Keep it real,
P.S. What you you guys think? Have any tips for staying motivated? Favorite low-no carb meal? Comment anything and everything, and please call me out if you see my eating carbs/sugar!
I'm 20. Am I supposed to feel different now? Should I be wiser or smarter or less of a mess?
No, not necessarily. I think being in your 20s is about making mistakes and taking risks that are scary but also so, so exciting. I think being in your 20s is about living life to the absolute fullest while we're young. I want to live the next years bravely, unafraid to fail and fall and try and try again. I want these next years to be formative and explorative. I want to jump when opportunities come and answer the doors of life unafraid and with my neck out, because if you aren't uncomfortable or sort of afraid, I don't think you're challenging yourself enough. Starting this blog was sort of scary. This is me putting myself out there for literally the world to see. And while it's scary, and I worry about grammatical or spelling errors that I'm bound to make, it's truly inspiring to see that what I write and put out there can actually impact lives. It's such a wonderful sense of fulfillment to know that people are listening. I'm not just typing and posting for myself, but now there are people out there listening!
Guys, now that I'm 20, I think it's time for me to begin taking all the risks I've been too scared to take. I think it's time to learn to do a handstand since I'm terrified of being upside down. I think it's time to dye my hair a crazy color. I think it's time to get involved on campus and pour myself into something I love. I think it's time to try singing again even though I have the world's worst stage fright. Maybe it's even time to finally sing the National Anthem even though I'm cringing and breathing harder as I type this...oh god, even my fingers are resisting typing this. What I'm trying to say is that I didn't leave home and travel thousands of miles to come to college and not make an impact. I want to be that light that I told myself two years ago I would be. So here I am world. *looks to sky and opens arms dramatically* Let's see what you got.
It's crazy how time flies. I started a new journal the day I left the rock and flew out to California. It's been almost two years since then, and I love looking back at my entries and reading about where I was one year ago. It's one of those things that motivates my future oriented mindset. I love how with time comes change and growth. Time brings new seasons, new people and opportunities. It brings new loves and new heartbreaks. It brings healing and second chances. It's the constant glimmer of "freaking go for it" at the end of the tunnel. Time whispers forgiveness and redemption. While time might not heal all, I definitely believe that it leads us to forgiveness and hope and new love. That's why I love time and the sort of romantic idea of it. Time just happens, whether we're ready to move on or not. It keeps the pages of our lives constantly turning--new chapters constantly beginning. So may time fly, but may I live presently within it.